personal

Secrets

We all have them. One or two, or maybe more, but we have them.

But, why do we keep them? Why do we need them?

Why are we so desperate to hide them, from everyone, even from our loved ones?

It is hard to tell, because there are some options.

Fear is one of them. We are afraid that we will be judged. We are so caught up on thinking about what other people think, that even interferes with our own judgment. It is always difficult to analyze the complexity of a thought. Why was it formed like this? What determined the result? Was it our surrounding, which left their footprint on our thoughts, or was it only us? Who knows? The evolution of a thought is basically unpredictable, it can be blown away like a candle, but it can spread like the worst plague and parasite our whole mind. One little thought.

Just like thoughts, secrets were born this way. Maybe they were innocent at the beginning, maybe it was a dark truth, but maybe it brings us joy and that’s why we don’t want to share it.

So why are we afraid to share it? Are we afraid of what people are going to say?

They say, that the important things in life we have to do alone. We can’t share our death, we can’t share the pregnancy, we have to deal alone with our sickness, because nobody truly feels what we feel. And nowadays this is more valid, than ever. The humans of the 21st century are more experiencing the “me” feeling, like ever in the history. We are absorbed by our own world.

But here is a twist. Because we tend to “overshare” our life, but not every aspect our life. We tend to leave out the dark parts, the hurtful stuff and we are trying to concentrate only on the “happy stuff”. The perfect dinner we had in an expensive restaurant, the beautiful vacation we had in the summer, the amazing experiences of our life. What how do we well with the bad part? Where do we put the “bad” parts of our life? Where do we keep them? Locked up in ourselves?

Maybe that is the moment, when secrets are born. Out of fear, again. Fear to show our weak side. The not so perfect side of our life. We are afraid to be vulnerable. We are afraid to be hurt.

Which determined me to think about secrets, was a different aspect. Why would we hide the joy? Why wouldn’t we share it? Why would we keep it as a secret? A happy moment, some good news. Why are we keeping it to ourselves?

Maybe the answer is the same. Fear, again. We are afraid that we will be judged, we are afraid that it won’t last, we are afraid that by saying out loud we will lose it.

It’s wrapped up in our perfect little box, inside of us… But if we open it, maybe in a blink of an eye it can go away, it can be broken so easy… the light is a fragile thing, you know?

If we open up, the moment is gone, the joy we kept for ourselves, it is touched, it is contaminated. Contaminated by the dirty hands and mouths of others. And again, we are afraid.

So, if you think about secrets, if you want to find out somebody’s secret, let me tell you a secret : it’s secret for a reason.

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